it doesn't feel right

its in your heart and your stomach.

happy not 9 months a few days late.

secret

i have alot on my mind

so far.

this summer has been truly amazing. i think this by far thee' best summer ive ever had and its just started. ive been going on so many adventures and going so many different places. and meeting so many new people. and i have the best friends i could have ever asked for. im loving my life. and im happy again. i feel good. theres still a few knicks missing from me but im okay with it and im growing up. im pushing stuff aside and living life while i can.

this is amazing.

cliff jumping

most amazing thing ive ever done...

its such an adreniline rush...

these are only 5 out of 40 pictures

you.

are something new.

: )

trip.

so my trip was interesting and long. i didn't want to leave and i was so tempted to come get my shit and just move in with my aunt and uncle. but i feel like i have something good coming here in pa. im starting to really like life again. im happy and thats such a good feelings. but anyway i figured i would post pictures from my trip.

rip.

RIP SPARK.
you were my favoritest kitty ever.
aka. my husband.
"ohhhhhh spark.... you're SOOOOOOOO cute"

lbs.

so i've lost 15 pounds and i seriously feel better then ever right now.
i have faith in myself that i can do this and im going to.


ps. my cousin ryan is flippin rad.
if you knew him you'd say the same.

update

im in maryland and i seriously completely forgot how flipping beautiful it is here. i miss it here. and it feels SO good being with my family. i wish i could just move down here. i feel like in a way i should. but i know i have alot back in PA still. Even if times seem rough there. theres still a few things i wish could be fixed there and im not just going to run from my problems im gonna try my best to fix them as best i can. but until them im gonna relax sit back and think ALOT while im here.
ill post some pictures late : )


ps. i miss you more then you know and i can't stop thinking about you even though i know that you just want me to move on. im trying and its harder then ever.

thinks

this video made me think back on alot.

you've changed

i hate when people change, for the worst. i hate when i see and hear people break their morals. i hate when people are hypocrits and contridict them selves. i hate when people become ignorant and out of no where hate everything and anyone. i hate when people are blind. i hate when people give advice and tell their friends something not to do and then go and do it. i hate when people hate certain people for doing or saying things and then they go and do and act the same way. i hate when "adults" are immature and can not bring them selves to be on a civil level with those who are younger but mature. i hate when you've had a past with someone, a long memorable GOOD past, and they can't even talk to you, and they have no reason to either.

and this explains you.

to you i come.

i can not wait..... less then 24 hours.

i can NOT wait to see katie and ryan

the place i call home.

i leave tomorrow and im starting to feel okay. i can't wait to just go home and relax and breathe and visit everyone who makes me feel happy and wanted no matter what. im gonna relax. get my tan on by my pool. leaving i will probably cry for the fact of its one of the last times i will sleep in my bed there or smell the smell of that house or take a shower and be worried someones gonna walk in on me because my showers clear. its gonna be the last time i sing over the intercom to make everyone laugh and the last time i scare the shit outta anyone in the basement with the house's vacum vents in the walls. it will be the last time i walk down the twirly steps and the last time i rade the cabnits to find where all the good food is hidden. its sad and upseting but its a step in life. i know i'll have a room at the flordia house... it won't be the same but im okay with that. im gonna take the time to think alot while im there as well.

i plan on coming home and taking life here in PA step by step. It's hard being here for the fact of that everything i see or hear is another memory slapped in my face but i need to get use to it and comfortable. which im gonna stick through and try my very hardest to do. im strong and i know i can get through these lame hardships that we all go through at some point and time. it sucks and this sucks and giving things up and looseing people in your life sucks. but i have to look up and tell my self things are gonna be okay. i still feel like running back but i know it would do nothing at all. but when im back im gonna get in touch with a few people and im gonna let them know what they mean to me because i feel like theres some people who don't really know how much they mean to me. i don't think i could stand loosing anyone else.

old friend

remember when we use to be mad close and you kept me up when i fell down? im glad we've gotten back in touch and thank you for putting my head back on in this midst of madness i call my life.

but don't worry about me im gonna be okay.

post secret

these all mean something to me.