In the midst of finding me...

I found you.... who knows where this will go, I just love the feeling of being able to smile again. and I realized I have the most amazing friend in the world; Ang.... I wouldn't give her up for the world...she is my other half and I love her with my whole heart,she has done everything and more, she has stood by my side and held me up when I was begging her to just let me fall. shea given me hope in evrything getting better... and it has gotten better, imensely.I'm proud of myself for letting you go but I'm sorry I had to do so. I don't like weeping hearts and crying but I needed to be me and not me transformed to your liking. I love who I am and I never want to change or anyone but me. I recently got a tattoo and got kicked out for it. I wouldn't say it was a reality check and I don't have a problem about it it just opened my eyesto the fact of how non-accepting even the closest people are to you. it sucks there's no others words for it. it's probably the most terrible pain in the world knowing that the people who created you and scuplted you to be who you are don't like or don't accept who they have helped you to become... I love my tattoo and I don't regret it. it's beautiful and it's apart of me that means alot to me... I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin around my family and not have themmad and questioning me because I got something that means so much to me and I've wanted for years. the main question is... what does it mean; it means don't lose hope not only in your self but in everything you do jay because it's hard or you don't like it or someone says you can't if you have the hope and believe in your self you can do it or have it or whatever it may be. I grew up feeling like I had nothing to look forward to, I had no friends and I was always just a no body until high school and tech and getting a job I always just told myself and my mom always toldme don't lose hope your time will come believe in yourself... and yes they are comeback kid lyrics and yes justin magdule (sp?) has it too across his chest I don't see that as a big deal I bet there's 600 other people across the world who have it too... I just wanted to say thank you to the few people in my life right now who hve stuck out their hands and hearts to helpme through this rough patch and I amso unbelievably grateful for you all.... if there was a way to show it to you I would.... I think of something. you all know who you are whether I've seen you eryday or once a year you all are amazing people and I wouldn't give you up for the worldokay wellllllll I think I'm done my mouth is throbing from surgery anndddd I'm done typing.LOVE