life latly

just doesn't seem right.... or fair.
i feel like my best friendship... the friendship i have with someone who means more to me then they even realize is slipping away from me. shes the only person i could ever stand to be around for 9 days straight and still not be sick of. i miss her and its breaking my heart. i know she has a busy schedule but this fucking sucks. don't get me wrong i love the people i work with and most of all i love kenny, who is always here for me but sometimes you just need that girly-girl moment and you need that girl moment where you laugh at how stupid you are or you compain about having your period or you go to about advice... and right now i don't have that because shes the only people in my life who i will and want to go to about stuff. its not her fault its not ones fault its just life but i refuse to loose her as my bestfriend.

on another hand my bills are out of control and im still driving my bug nor have i sold my stupid car. tomorrow possibly? but who knows. geze i miss being happy and loving EVERYTHING about life.

on a better note peewee is the most amazing little bundel of joy. shes so cute and so good exzept the whole potty training but were getting there.

and kenny... i couldn't ask for anything more in my life right now. i know to him im a pain in the ass and i cause him so much stupid shit but i don't mean to and im working on it my best. i hate being stressed and i hate being like this. i hate hating my self and i hate how he is the one who has to actually see how much i hate my self. were thinking about moving out i just don't know when.... its all up in the air i guess you could say.

i miss summer i miss my friends i miss ang i miss madeline.i miss smiling and nothing worrieing ABOUT ANYTHING... now all i do is worry about when ill get enough money to pay my bills and my dad.... and if im gonna be kicked out and how my grades are and how im acting towards kenny. i just hate and am upset with my life right now... its just another bump.... I KNOW. i know ill get over it but i just hate when things get like this because this just isn't me at all... i wanna be happy and carefreeeeeee again.
anyway...
im done.


smile... for me please?